IN his apostolic exhortation, Amoris Laetitia (Joy of Love), Pope Francis is convinced that the Christian vision of marriage and family also has an unchanged force of attraction. But it demands “a healthy dose of self-criticism”.
We needs also to be humble and realistic, acknowledging at times that the way we present our Christian beliefs and treat other people has helped contribute to today’s problematic situation. (AL 36)
“We have also proposed a far too abstract and almost artificial theological ideal of marriage, far removed from the concrete situations and practical possibilities of real families. This excessive idealization, especially when we have failed to inspire trust in God’s grace, has not helped to make marriage more desirable and attractive, but quite the opposite.” (AL 36)
“We have long thought that simply by stressing doctrinal, bioethical and moral issues, without encouraging openness to grace, we were providing sufficient support for families, strengthening the marriage bond and giving meaning to married life.
We find it difficult to present marriage more as a dynamic path to personal development and fulfilment than as a lifelong burden. We also find it hard to make room for the consciences of the faithful, who very often respond as best they can to the Gospel amid their limitations, and are capable of carrying out their own discernment in complex situations.
We have been called to form consciences, not to replace them.” (AL 37)
Pope Francis speaks of a profound trust in the hearts and the nostalgia of people. He expresses this very well in his reflection on education.
Here I think we can see the influence of the Jesuit tradition in education in personal responsibility. He refers to two possible dangers: ‘laissez-faire’ and the obsession with controlling and dominating everything. On the one hand, it is true that “families cannot help but be places of support, guidance and direction, vigilance is always necessary and neglect is never beneficial.” (AL260)
But vigilance can also become excessive: “Obsession, however, is not education. We cannot control every situation that a child might experience. If parents are obsessed with always knowing where their children are and controlling all their movements, they will seek only to dominate space. But this is no way to educate, strengthen and prepare their children to face challenges.” (AL 261)
I should now mention the important chapters 4 and 5 as central. “We cannot encourage a path of fidelity and mutual self-giving without encouraging the growth, strengthening and deepening married love.” (AL89) The fourth chapter is a meditation on love. I recommend it. He encourages belief in love and trust in its strength. It is here that growth, a key word, finds its main place: in no other place does it manifest itself so clearly but it can also turn cold.
In this chapter the Pope speaks about the passions, emotion, eros and sexuality in married and family life. It is not by chance that Pope Francis reconnects with Saint Thomas Aquinas, who attributes an important role to the passions, while modern society, often puritanical, discredited and neglected them.
Here and elsewhere the Pope affirms the work of the Synods that preceded this document. “The Synod fathers reached a general consensus, which I support.” (AL297) With regard to those who are divorced and civilly remarried, he states “I am in agreement with the many Synod fathers who observed that…the logic of integration is the key to their pastoral care…such people need to feel not as excommunicated members of the Church, but instead as living members, able to live and grow in the Church and experience her as a mother who welcomes them always….” (AL299) But the Pope makes it clear that new canonical laws are not the answer. Instead, “What is possible is simply a renewed encouragement to undertake a responsible personal and pastoral discernment of particular cases.” (AL300-312)
The question remains whether it is asking too much of some pastors or spiritual guides to “discern situations” when these are not regulated. “I understand those who prefer a more rigorous pastoral care which leaves no room for confusion.” (AL308) However, he challenges this: “We put so many conditions on mercy that we empty it of its concrete meaning and real significance. That is the worst way of watering down the gospel.” (AL311)
Pope Francis trusts in the joy of love. Love is able to find the way. It is the compass that shows us the road. It is both the goal and the path itself. Nothing is more demanding than love. It cannot be obtained cheaply. Pope Francis invites us, in the Letter, to take the road of love. The road is not easy but it is full of joy.